Despite decades of research around the topic, bullying remains a serious problem for students in school. Olweus (1973) defines bullying as behavior that occurs repeatedly, is intended to cause harm, and involves a power imbalance. When bullying occurs, parents play a pivotal role in how it is handled and supportive parents reduce their children’s likelihood of being both a perpetrator and victim of bullying (Baldry & Farrington 2005; Wang et al., 2009).

The vast majority of studies around bullying examine bullying from the child’s perspective, and generally ignore the perceptions of parents. Thus, despite the hundreds of scholarly articles around bullying, limited research has examined parents’ perception of bullying and the conversations they have with children concerning bullying involvement and victimization. In this study, we seek to partially fill that gap by using qualitative interviews with 50 parents in a southeastern state to examine parent perceptions of bullying and how they discuss bullying with their children. We also explore how fearful parents are of their child being victimized by bullying, their opinion of why bullying occurs in school, and the advice they give their children concerning bullying.

Bullying is behavior that occurs repeatedly, is intended to cause harm, and involves a power imbalance (Olweus, 1973). Bullying can occur through physical aggression, gestures, rumors, or exclusion. The imbalance of power may appear as a difference in physical strength, whether real or perceived, between the aggressor and victim, the number of persons against the victim, or the inability of the victim to confront forms of relational aggression such as rumors or exclusion (Olweus, 1997).

In 1998, one in three (29.9%) students (N = 15,686) in grades 6 through 10 were involved with bullying, including those who reported being a bully (13%), a victim (10.6%) or both a bully and victim (6.3%; Nansel et al., 2001). In the 2015–2016 school year, a nationally representative study of 2,092 public schools in the United States found 21% of students between the ages of 12 and 18 were bullied at school (Musu-Gillette et al., 2018). Bullying prevalence is well documented, particularly during middle school and into early high school (Hymel & Swearer, 2015; Wang et al., 2020). Findings from the Bureau of Justice Statistics lend credence to this occurrence; during the 2017–2018 school year, a greater percentage of middle schools (28%) reported bullying than high schools (16%), combined schools (16%), or primary schools 9%; Wang et al., 2020).

In any year, more than one in 10 schools reported that bullying occurred at least once per week (Musu-Gillette et al., 2018). Of the 5,064 teachers and support professionals from the National Education Association who were surveyed, more than three in five (62%) reported seeing bullying two or more times in the previous month and two out of five (41%) reported bullying at least once in the last week (Bradshaw et al., 2013). Bullying is a pervasive issue that affects youth of all ages, races, genders, and backgrounds; however, it is unclear to what extent youth are bullied or bully others on any given day. Some of the variation in prevalence may be attributed to the operationalization of bullying, measurement criteria, or memory distortions of bullying experiences (Jimerson et al., 2009).

There are four commonly recognized types of bullying. These include physical, verbal, relational (social), and cyber. These types can also be categorized as direct or indirect forms of aggression. Physical bullying occurs face-to-face and may include behaviors such as hitting or kicking. Verbal bullying involves threats or name-calling. Relational bullying is indirect and may include social exclusion, rumors, or peer rejection (Ericson, 2001). Finally, cyberbullying is defined as intentional and repeated harm that occurs through an electronic medium (Patchin & Hinduja, 2006).

Bullying takes a variety of forms including name calling, threats, rumors, exclusion, disrespect, or being made fun of and bullying prevalence varies by type of bullying (Patchin & Hinduja, 2006). Some research has found that more youth experience verbal and relational bullying than physical or cyberbullying (Williams & Guerra, 2007; Wang et al., 2009). Traditional bullying and cyber bullying are highly correlated (Modecki et al., 2014), and youth involved in traditional bullying are at a greater risk of being involved in cyberbullying than their peers (Kowalski et al., 2012).

Youth may be involved in several types of bullying. A recent meta-analysis of 80 studies found an average prevalence rate of 35% for traditional forms of bullying and 15% for cyberbullying (Modecki et al., 2014). Because bullying is influenced by a number of factors and can occur in several contexts, it is important to consider not only the locations and reasons why it occurs, but to assess all persons who are involved. The input from children, parents, and teachers is necessary to fully understand the extent to which youth experience bullying, whether as a victim or aggressor.

Bullying has been shown to have both short-term and long-term consequences including adverse psychological and health outcomes. Data from 1,118 children between ages 9 and 11 was collected to determine whether bullying victims experience negative health effects after their experience or whether negative health effects occur prior to a youth’s victimization. Fekkes, Pijpers, Fredriks et al. (2006)’s study found support for both relationships. They determined that youth who were often bullied at the beginning of the school year were likely to develop adverse health effects (including anxiety and depression) by the end of the school year while youth who already experienced anxiety and depression at the beginning of the school year were also at an increased risk of being victimized (Fekkes, Pijpers, Fredriks et al., 2006). A systemic review of previous bullying research conducted by Moore et al. (2017) also explored health and psychological effects of bullying. In their sample of 153 peer reviewed articles published before February 2015, they found significant associations between bullying victimization and mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression, suicide ideation and suicide behavior. Associations between physical health and bullying victimization were also uncovered. Negative physical health consequences of bullying victimization included problems sleeping, stomach aches, dizziness, back pain, and obesity. The findings from the review also suggest there was an association between alcohol use and tobacco use for those youth who experienced bullying frequently (Moore et al., 2017). Given the serious consequences that can result from bullying victimization, it is important for parents to get involved and identify if their child has been bullied.

Only recently has research begun to recognize the unique position of parents to address bullying. Parents act not only as a protective factor (Jeynes, 2008; Lereya et al., 2013), but as a resource, to offer strategies to prevent bullying. Parent involvement is also associated with lower rates of bullying (Jeynes, 2008). Bullying interventions are needed at home and in school and must involve parents, school staff, and children. Improvements in classroom management and supervision of outdoor areas can decrease bullying (Ttofi & Farrington, 2011). In the 2015–2016 school year, three in four (76%) public schools reported teachers and teaching aides were given training to recognize bullying behavior (Musu-Gillette et al., 2018). In addition to creative effective trainings for teachers and other school staff, parents should also be involved. Parental involvement has been recognized as one of the key elements needed to create effective anti-bullying programs in schools (Ttofi & Farrington, 2011) and some parents have reported wanting to be more involved in responding to their child’s bullying experience at school (Harcourt, Green et al., 2015). The creation of effective programs to prevent bullying though is complicated, as many children do not report bullying (Unnever & Cornell, 2004).

Children do not report bullying for a variety of reasons. Children may not report as a result of the type of bullying, the severity of the behavior, characteristics of the victim and bully, social circumstances, and family dynamics. Children who perceived that the school or their teacher would not take bullying seriously were also less likely to tell someone (Unnever & Cornell, 2004). Some children have reported fearing the bully or peer rejection, blaming themselves for their victimization, or being hesitant to affect the relationship with the bully, particularly when it is a friend. Youth also report fearing that adults would tell the principal or believing that telling an adult would make the bullying worse (Mishna, Pepler et al., 2006). Children were willing to tell an adult if they believed the bullying was serious (Mishna et al., 2006), if it occurred frequently (Unnever & Cornell, 2004; Musu-Gillette et al., 2018), or if they perceived bullying would be taken seriously (Cortes & Kochenderfer-Ladd, 2014).

When children report bullying, they are more likely to tell a parent than a teacher (Bentley & Li, 1996; Fekkes, Pijpers, & Verloove-Vanhorick, 2005). Bentley and Li’s (1996) study of 394 students in grades 4 to 6 found students, in general, were more likely to tell someone at home than a teacher about bullying. However, children who were victims of bullying were more likely than their peers to tell a teacher. Despite the number of children who would tell someone at home though, children perceived telling a teacher was more likely to help improve the bullying situation than if they told a parent (Bentley & Li, 1996).

Teachers, school administrators, and parents have expressed difficulty in fully understanding bullying situations, particularly when their definition of bullying do not match the situation (Mishna, Pepler et al., 2006). Findings from Sawyer et al. (2011) revealed parents who were unaware of bullying were surprised to learn their child experienced bullying, especially when they had many friends. However, bullying among friends is often commonplace (Mishna, Wiener et al., 2008). Parents may find it difficult to understand the extent of bullying when it comes to friendships between children (Mishna, Pepler et al., 2006). Furthermore, some parents normalize bullying as part of growing up (Sawyer et al., 2011) or something that is inevitable (Mishna, Sanders et al., 2020). This could make children less likely to want to report because being a victim of bullying may not be taken seriously, a concern raised by children in several studies (Unnever & Cornell, 2004; Cortes & Kochenderfer-Ladd, 2014).

Parents, teachers, and students have identified differences as one of the key reasons why bullying happens (Compton et al., 2014; Mishna, Sanders et al., 2020). Parents offered qualitative accounts of these differences in Mishna, Sanders et al.’s (2020) study with specific mentions of gender, race, class, religion, sexual orientation, appearance, mannerisms, academic abilities, and athletic abilities. These examples are all indicative of bias-based bullying, in which a person is bullied because of a particular stigma or social identity (Mulvey et al., 2018). Other reasons parents believe bullying occurs include a quest for power or status by the bully, peer pressure, and anger or frustration as a result of the bullying perpetrator having previously experienced bullying victimization (Compton et al., 2014). The anonymous nature of cyberbullying also appears to be a motivator for that form of bullying as well (Hoff & Mitchell, 2009; Compton et al., 2014; Monks et al., 2016).

Parents may feel an array of negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, or feelings of concern or worry about the negative effects bullying victimization can have for their children (Sawyer et al., 2011). Nevertheless, limited research has addressed whether parents are fearful of their child being bullied. In the only previous study of parental fear of bullying of which we are aware, Stives et al. (2019) assessed the extent to which parents were fearful of their child becoming a victim of bullying. In Stives et al.’s (2019) study of 54 parents, they found parents were evenly divided on whether they were fearful of their child becoming a victim. Nearly half of the parents (46.6%) reported they were not fearful of their child becoming a victim, while 26% reported they somewhat fearful and 22% reported they were very fearful. Parents who were not fearful for their child offered three main reasons; the size of the school, their belief that there was no bullying at their child’s school, and their confidence in their child’s ability to handle bullying situations on their own. When parents did express fear of victimization, concerns were related to the belief their child was different based on particular characteristics or appearance (Stives et al., 2019).

Telling someone about bullying is the first step necessary to address the situation. Positive parenting behavior has been associated with protective effects for children. When children perceive their relationship with their parent is warm/loving, their parent is understanding, and their parent is sympathetic to their problems and willing to help, this perception has a protective effect (Wang et al., 2009; Lereya et al., 2013). Higher levels of parental support are associated with lower rates of bullying involvement and bullying victimization (Baldry & Farrington, 2005; Wang et al., 2009). Having parents with an authoritative style of parenting is also negatively associated with being a victim or a bully (Baldry & Farrington, 2005). In addition to acting as a protective factor, when children are bullied, parents can offer a variety of strategies to address their situation.

One of the most common strategies parents tell their children is to get help from an adult when they are bullied (Cooper & Nickerson, 2013; Offrey & Rinaldi, 2014; Stives et al., 2019). Cooper and Nickerson (2013) reported that parents were most likely to tell their child to get help from a parent (98%) and teacher (97%). Strategies can be classified as either problem-solving (i.e., help-seeking; Craig et al., 2007; Harcourt, Jasperse et al., 2014; Offrey & Rinaldi, 2014), or emotion-focused (Harcourt, Jasperse et al., 2014). Problem-solving behaviors directly address the incidence of bullying, while emotion-focused strategies help the victim cope with their experience, rather than focus on the bully.

Parents commonly suggest avoidance strategies when children are faced with a bully (Cooper & Nickerson, 2013; Stives et al., 2019). These avoidance strategies include avoiding the bully or pretending nothing happened (Stevens et al., 2002). The extent to which these strategies are suggested varies. Using hypothetical bullying scenarios, Stevens et al. (2002) found parents of victimized children were more likely to suggest avoidance strategies than parents of children who bully. Thus, parents may offer different strategies depending on their perspective of bullying and its effects. During interviews with 20 parents, Sawyer et al. (2011) found parents also teach pro-social strategies to their children that focus on healthy relationships and improving a child’s self-esteem. Parents gave assurances to children and some enrolled their children in extracurricular activities to expand their social network.

Some parents suggest a more direct approach to handle the bullying situation. Parents are divided on whether or not to tell their child to retaliate for bullying. In Cooper and Nickson’s (2013) study, 42.3% told their child to fight back, while another 44.1% said to never fight back. Some parents do support fighting back, particularly when nothing else has worked (Sawyer et al., 2011). Other parents take a more hands-on approach when it comes to bullying including contacting the parent of the other child (Cooper and Nickerson, 2013), a higher authority such as the principal (Stives et al., 2019), or taking serious actions including transferring their child to a different class or school, contacting the board of trustees, a higher commission, or involving the police (Harcourt, Green et al., 2015).

After obtaining approval from the Mississippi State University institutional review board, we recruited the child participants from 1) the local high school during lunch and 2) a database of children who had volunteered to be contacted to participate in research at the university that was maintained by one of the members of the research team. On the day of the child’s interview, the child and their parent were met by a researcher as they entered the lab. The researcher explained the purpose of the study to the child and their parent, obtained parental consent and assent from the child, then escorted the child to a private room for their interview.

The researcher then returned to the child’s parent in the waiting area and provided them with a self-report questionnaire that asked the parent questions about their child’s bullying experiences (and their own responses to their child’s bullying experiences). The survey instrument was modeled after Sawyer et al. (2011) and included closed and open-ended questions. The responses to the open-ended questions on that survey provide the data for this study and are discussed in detail below. If a parent had more than one child participating in the study, he or she was asked to complete a survey for each child. Thus, if a parent had three children participating, they completed three separate surveys.

Of the 56 parents who were asked to complete a survey for their child, only six declined to participate. Thus, the response rate for this study was 89.3%. A total of 50 parents provided data for this study. In every situation, only one parent provided transportation for their child to the research site, so that was the parent that provided data for this study.

The demographics of the parents are reported in Table 1. Of the 50 parents who responded to the survey, the vast majority (92.0) were female. Parents were generally evenly split along racial lines. Approximately half (46%) were White, 25 (50%) were Black, and two respondents described themselves as other than Black or White. Parents were also evenly distributed across age categories, with the youngest parent being 32 and the oldest being 58 years old. Half of the parents were married (50%) and more than one in three parents (33.9%) had more than two children in their household. Parents were also evenly split across household income categories with the largest proportion (28.6%) having a household income between $25,000 and $49,999 per year.

In this study, we examined open-ended responses to self-report questions designed to measure parental discussions of bullying with their children. The self-report questionnaire asked some demographic questions and then asked a number of open-ended questions designed to examine parental perceptions of bullying and the methods through which they discuss bullying with their children. The questions were as follows:

1. How fearful are you of your child being bullied? Please explain.

The responses to these open-ended questions were coded using an open axial-coding approach. Responses to questions five and six were combined into one variable to represent actual (for those parents whose child had been bullied) or likely (for those parents whose children had not been bullied) responses to bullying victimization. After coding the responses to each question into themes, we estimated frequencies of the themes for each question. A number of parents responded with more than one answer to one or more of the questions. The results of those analyses are presented below.

Although we believe this research has made important contributions to the research examining parental responses to bullying, there are several limitations to this study. First, the small sample of parents under study here was a sample of relatively affluent parents in a southeastern state. Consequently, the findings presented here may not be generalizable to parents in other parts of the United States or from other demographic strata even within the same local community. Second, the vast majority of parents providing data for this study were female; it would be interesting to examine gender differences in parental responses but we were unable to do so because of the very small number of fathers (four) that provided responses for this study. Nevertheless, given the limited research around parental attitudes and experiences with bullying, we believe these findings are still important in terms of gaining understanding of how parents experience bullying of their children.

The findings presented in this study lead to a number of important questions, and some methodological improvements, for future research. First, we believe it is important to gain a better understanding of how parents define bullying. Asking parents to define bullying, then developing a definition of bullying from those responses, is an important next step in the bullying research. After that definition is developed, it can then be used with additional samples of parents to insure that all parents are discussing bullying from the same perspective. Next, the findings uncovered here indicate that a second large hole in the research around parental perspectives on bullying is in the area of understanding the reasons why parents choose the strategies they do for helping their children address bullying. Quite frankly, the fact that so many parents would either go directly to the principal or to the alleged bully’s parents was surprising to us. Additional research is needed to not only better understand the advice parents are giving their children but the reasons behind that advice.